I recently made a big shift in my professional life. After going back and forth for some time, I ultimately made the decision to quit my #fulltime job and go into a work from home, freelancing position as a new career. Reflecting on my reasons for wanting to make such a dramatic shift, there were ten key things that made me realize that it was time.
- I couldn’t walk out the door. Initially, each morning I would get up and get ready for work. My coffee would be in a travel cup, ready to go. Additionally, the children and husband would be on their way to their respective destinations. But I would find myself stuck. I couldn’t quite get out the door. It would take a lot of self-talk and motivation to get into my car and make the drive to my office, but I would get there.
- I wasn’t motivated. The things that had once caused me joy and excitement with my job just weren’t anymore. I couldn’t muster up the needed drive to complete projects in the quality that I once did. They would get done, but not with the same sense of accomplishment as before.
- I was tired all the time. My sleep debt seemed to be a constantly accruing thing, but I couldn’t understand why. I was groggy when I opened my eyes in the morning. Mid-day would also have me trying my best to keep my eyes open. And even worse were the evenings. I would finally be home with my family and I would be counting down the minutes until I could go to bed.
- The “Sunday Night Blues” arrived. The excitement of the weekend would come to a screeching halt at about 5PM on Sunday. After that time my mental state would be making a downward shift. Dread would overcome me and I would almost become a different person than what the rest of the weekend had experienced.
- I was angry and short with people. Happiness was not my primary emotion any longer. If people ate their crackers too loudly I felt an internal urge to go off on them. I didn’t feel valued in my role or respected as a person any longer. Therefore, the feeling of being dehumanized was taking a toll on my self-esteem and making me lash out on others.
- I didn’t enjoy life. One day I kept saying: “Life shouldn’t be this hard”. That’s how I truly felt. Life was just hard and it wasn’t fun any longer. Overall, I wanted to look forward to my days like I had before. It wasn’t happening the way that things were.
- I found myself dreaming of my future. I didn’t envision lavish vacations or cruises. There weren’t thoughts of big, fancy titles and corner offices. Instead, when I thought of my future there was a smiling, happy version of myself. Not the sullen, unhappy person that I was.
- I was jealous of other people. Typically, I’m not a “keeping up with the Jones’” type of person. Above all I prefer quality over quantity. However, seeing friends that were chasing their own happiness would make me insanely jealous. I wanted to be them. I wanted to have a quality life, not one that made me dread a full five days of every week.
- A retirement countdown was made. As a result, I realized that it included over 20 years before being possible. Therefore, I quickly made a Plan B.My anxiety kept climbing. Some days I would find it hard to breathe. I would take mid-day walks to try to calm myself down. During my morning routines I would have knots forming in my stomach. It made it even worse because all of my usual methods for relieving this were not working. In summary, anxiety was becoming a permanent fixture in my life.
- Kristyn Meyer is on a journey to make herself the best human that she can be. These posts are a reflection of that. She welcomes your support via reading and through commissioned affiliate links within her posts!
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