The best way to change is to seek feedback on how you can
improve, and then to act upon that advice. But most of us resist
asking, and are uncomfortable with unsolicited feedback, greeting
helpful advice with an icy reaction. To improve, noted executive
coach Marshall Goldsmith suggests in Executive Excellence:
List casual remarks
For one day, write down all the comments that you hear people make to you about you or your behaviour. At the end of the day, review them and rate each as positive or negative. When you look at the negatives, a pattern will emerge. Eventually you'll gather enough feedback to establish the challenge before you.
Turn the sound off
Observe how people deal with you. Do they lean toward you or away? Do they listen intently when you have the floor or are they waiting for you to finish? Are they trying to impress you or barely aware of your presence? Do they smile when they see you and pull up a chair to sit next to you or seat themselves across the room? If people shy away from you, that's a disturbing pattern, and you will need to figure out how to do better.
Complete the sentence
Pick one thing that you want to improve - anything that matters to you, from giving more recognition to getting in shape. Then list the positive benefit that will accrue to you and others if you achieve that benefit. For example: "I want to give more recognition to others. One benefit of giving more recognition is ..." Keep repeating, extracting more reasons. As the benefits you list become more personal and valuable, you realize the importance of making this tweak to your life.
Listen to yourself
Have you ever listened to a friend brag about how punctual he is when he is in fact perennially late? The stuff people boast about often turn out to be their weaknesses. Given that, listen to yourself. What do you boast about? If you assess this alleged strength closely and honestly, you may find it's a weakness. You should also be alert when you make self-deprecating remarks, because those can give you feedback as well.
Look homeward
Your flaws at work don't vanish when you walk through the front door at home. If you want to know how your behaviour comes across to colleagues and clients, ask your loved ones, who are most likely to be agenda free and who want you to succeed. Remember in this case as in all others of receiving feedback: Treat the advice as a gift, and thank them.
